Running Out of Puff in Paris

After 30 all you can eat buffets, nearly two weeks of all night benders, hard drugs and strip club jaunts, the motivation to tackle anything meaningful can become soft and spongy.

Having walked into the Paris conference proclaiming to be the only people who can save the world, our intrepid ‘climate negotiators’ appear weakened and weary. I guess that’s what happens when you can’t find any takers for the $100 billion a year needed to fund your pyramid scheme and global communism scam save the world:

Exhausted climate negotiators from 195 nations seeking ways to strengthen a planned agreement to combat global warming are arguing over who should pay billions of dollars to help developing nations meet those goals. 

Among remaining points of discord, the European Union said curbs agreed in Paris should be reviewed and tightened every five years from the early 2020s, while China balked at having to step up its own measures before 2030.

Also controversial is who should pay the hundreds of billions of dollars required to help developing countries shift from fossil fuels that produce carbon dioxide (CO2) to lower-carbon energy sources.

And for those who don’t negotiate harder today, there’s the threat of missing this weekend’s bender buffet:

Fabius has insisted that an accord to curb the greenhouse gas emissions that are accelerating global warming must be finished by Friday night, rather than overrunning into the weekend as past UN meetings have done.

I couldn’t agree more – if my job was saving the world, I too would only work Monday to Friday. I think Batman and Superman were the same.

But never fear, our climate heroes will keep pushing to save us all from our sins, one set of square brackets at a time:

French Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius, chairing the UN conference, said he planned to issue a penultimate draft on Thursday evening with as few disagreements or bracketed passages as possible, to pave the way for a last round of revisions.

‘There will be another draft today where more square brackets will be removed but, most importantly, we need more consultations with our colleagues,’ said Gao Feng, one of the Chinese negotiators. ‘On Friday or Saturday we may get there.’ 

If all that doesn’t work, then our heroes have an ingenious Plan B of fooling Mother Nature with a few word changes to the overall goal:

The existing UN goal, of limiting the rise to 2.0 degrees, was agreed in 2010.

Developed nations, including the United States, indicated they might agree a Paris text that raised the ambition to ‘well below two degrees’.

Yes, that should do the trick. I can feel the world cooling already.


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